Monday, December 3, 2012


I finally found the motivation to blog.

Oh wait. That sounded weird. Wrong English..? Ah, whatever. It has been a month since school ended and I have not done anything worth talking/blogging about. Lol.

Anyway I just came back from Malaysia yesterday and I bought a lot of stuff. So I'll probably be blogging about the stuff that I bought soon..

Pssst! I bought like 12 tees!!! Yay!! Have I mentioned how much I loooove tees?? I think t-shirts are the only type of clothes that I wear. I mean, except for my undergarments and jeans/denim shorts..

Hahahha. 70% of my wardrobe is occupied by my t-shirts and they are all from the same company.

Actually I don't really like tees. I just wear them because they make me look younger. But even with tees some people still think I'm 17/18 :( I've tried wearing what 14-16 year olds are wearing nowdays and I swear I look 21-23.

I give up!! I wear tees now. And I began to love them cause they're so comfortable!!! :D

Anyway whatever. This is just an update to let you guys know that I'm not dead and I will be blogging about the stuff that I bought from Malaysia soon.

Ok bye.

I need to be super careful with what I blog from now onwards cause I suspect that a certain someone is reading my blog. Ok bye.

Monday, September 10, 2012

September holidays

School just reopened today. That's it. The september holidays are over. Not that they were very long, but i felt like it was just a long weekend, not a one week holiday.

So many things happened, that's why i was just too busy to blog. I got into nemation's top 100 and top 40, but not top 20. I had another friend who got into top 20, but they did not get into top 10.

Sigh. And i just had a pastor prophesized something about me yesterday. And yesterday i cried like crazy at church for no reason.

Sigh. What's happening to my life.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

I woke up from my horrible attitude.

Warning: This post is quite wordy BUT it's very reflective and not just a useless and stupid post. I hope you enjoy reading & reflecting at the same time :D

My PE teacher, Mr Ling, is on maternity leave (his wife gave birth on Monday so he's given one week leave.) so there's another teacher who's taking over my class. I spent the whole lesson talking to him today and I can say that although he seems very..not strict and fun teacher, he's actually quite smart in the talking way. Like he knows how to talk to someone without offending them.

During the talk he actually said many things that made me reflect a lot. People always tell me that I have this tough attitude which they admire. That's just the nicer way of saying it. If you look at it from a different point of view, you can say that I'm bossy.

I used to comfort myself by saying that people who say that I'm bossy just have very low tolerance level and have no life, and that bossy is good, but bitchy is bad..etc. But when this teacher talked to me about it, he did not just point it out right away, he talked to me in such a way where he made me realize it myself, which I thought was very smart of him.

He says that he can tell that I'm someone who's a thinker, and thinks a lot before doing something. I'm not the type who does something for no reason, which is a good thing. But when I disagree with something and reason with someone, I have really good and logical reasons, but the tone of my voice is very dominative.

Usually when people talk with a dominative voice they would be accused as arrogant, and although my argument is logical and practical, I am being shut off as people just deem me as arrogant and refuse to listen to me.

Which is true. I get it and I understand where he's coming from and what he means. After the PE lesson, he actually got me reflecting like crazy about myself. Just a few days ago I was doing my devotion and I realized that I'm being arrogant and harsh, like my father.

So afterwards during science lesson I was just staring at the worksheet, not listening while a million things run through my mind. That's when I realize many, many things.

Sometimes it's not about how logical and realistic your argument or opinion is. It's about how you say it, how you manage to convince people to side you and understand you. Because truth is, everyone prefers to hear good things about themselves. Everyone wants people to agree with them.

No one likes to be disagreed with, even if the other party is being very logical and you know that they're right while you're wrong. This is why when someone is being disagreed with, they would prefer to hear it in a nicer way and not in a insulting and harsh way..

Just like when the PE relief teacher told me about the tone of my voice, he did not just point it out like my friends did, he did it slowly, and gently. Even so, I wanted to argue with him, but I heard this voice in my head, telling me to think twice before acting. That's when I knew, he's right, and I'm wrong..

Just like my humanities teacher. Why does everyone dislike her so much? Why is everyone so scared of her? She's actually a really nice person. She's open-minded, she can accept a different opinion. She can understand and she's really logical.

So why does everyone dislike her and fear her so much? Because of the tone of her voice. The fact that I'm saying this is not to point out her mistake, but to help others understand. The tone of her voice makes everyone fear her because she's loud.

But if you think about it carefully, she's actually right. She gives logical arguments. Her answers are practical. She's RIGHT. The only thing is that she's just a little harsh. I admit, for a period of time, I was shutting her out. I was scared of her because of her loud and harsh tone.

But when school reopened in term 3, I got to talk to her one to one and like I said, I became more reflective after the june holidays. And that's when I realized that she's not as bad as I thought. In fact, she's actually a really nice person. People just fail to realize that.

It's no one's fault, really, it's just a misunderstanding. People who are harsh should learn to be more gentle. People who are very affected by harsh people should learn to understand that it's not their fault, and that you should give them time and not just gossip behind their back.

I always complain that my dad is very harsh with me, that he lacks gentleness. But I failed to realize that I lack gentleness too. I know that I'm a lot like my dad, just slightly better since I grew up bearing with his mood swings and attitude.

I'm not gonna say that I was harsh since young, because I wasn't but on the contrary, I actually unconsciously learnt it from my dad. When I was very young, I'm actually very gentle and soft-spoken. I'm very quiet and I'm always at the corner, away from everyone.

But as you grow up, you go through things that make you change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. Me? Good and bad. It made me tougher and bolder, and I learnt to have more confidence in myself but at the same time it made me more and more arrogant since I became daring enough to speak out my thoughts (which are logical and practical).

People start praising me that I'm very logical, I'm good at arguing.. And as time pass I became more and more daring, and that's when I become more harsh and dominative. Why? Why is it that I would become like that?

Partly because I have this leader thing in me. What do you call it, leadership qualities? Yeah. Some people have it, some people don't. And when these leadership qualities get more and more exposed to different types of people, the dominance increases unconsciously.

But it's also because that's what I saw from my dad and to be honest, that's something that I admire about my dad.

But let's face it, it has it's pros and cons. Some people need to be harsh to for them to listen and wake up. Some people need to be told gently. My harsh and dominative tone works on some people, whereas for others, it doesn't and instead, it actually hurt them.

So here I am, my friends, apologizing for my 'bossiness' and my harsh and dominative tones or actions. Please give me a chance to change and during the process, be patient with me.

Ok, second point.

The PE relief teacher also told me that when he was in secondary school, he didn't have any friends 'cause he's very soft spoken. Yes, I know that friends are good, that it's difficult without friends, but it's not impossible (or at least I thought so) so I told him that it's actually okay to be without friends, that they're not that important.

He said, no, friends are there to give you the support when you need it. Sure, without them, you would be independent, you would be able to do things yourself without the help of others. But at the same time, when something happens and you need someone to talk to, who do you turn to?

God? Yes, God can hear you. He can comfort you. But sometimes, we need physical touch. We need people to HUG us. We need people to tell us that it's okay and that it's gonna be alright.

People always deny this, but it's the truth: EVERYONE NEEDS PHYSICAL TOUCH.

That's just the plain truth. No one can live on this earth by themselves with no support or encouragement from anyone. That's just impossible.

When he said that to me, I really didn't know what to say. That's exactly how I feel nowdays. Empty. Lonely. Outcasted. But am I really? No.

I have friends. I do. It's just that the ones that are close to me are not sitting near me. The ones that are sitting near me were once close but they are now no longer with me in a sense where they just cannot listen anymore.

You know how sometimes, there are people who are listening but at the same time, they're not listening? Like they can hear you, they're paying attention, they're answering you, but they're not being sincere?

That sucks you know. Especially if you happen to be very down that day and you need to talk but this person just refuse to listen to you sincerely. They try to answer you as if they care about you, but you can sense that they're not being sincere, that they are not using their HEART to talk to you.

So, what's the point of this blog post? It's just me trying to write down my reflections and trying to help others who are either very harsh, or being hurt by harsh people.

To me, the simple conversation has woke me up from my lonely world. It made me realize many things that I have been wrong about.

New resolution: I will try to be less harsh and more gentle to people. I will try to be more sensitive to other people's feelings.

Oh wow I just realized that it's so wordy. Oh well.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Hello, July

It's July already!! It's actually quite scary as i think about it.. It's already the semester 2 of the year. What have i done in the first 6 months..? I don't think i've really accomplished anything. Still the same old me.

While everything around me is changing, I am not. Why? Because I'm not open-minded enough, or because I'm not 'there'? The whole June Holiday has been a very reflective month for me.

I realized that I started reflecting a lot about my actions. Before i do something, i hear someone reminding me, asking me if it's the right thing to so.

Some people would think that i'm crazy, but i actually think that it's better this way. At least now, i sin lesser..? I believe i did.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


Have decided to take a litte step forward towards God. I have just finished doing devotion for the first time after so many years. I feel quite bad actually. I don't even know if I'm doing it the right way.

How to do you do it anyway? When I read the verse, I think of what I've done and how it's related to this verse. Then I think about why I did that. And then I think about the definition of, example, gossiping. What's gossiping?

Is telling everyone something bad but true about someone gossiping? Like if this person did not do anything to help when an old lady fell down or something. And you happened to be there (but you helped) while that person just be like, "Stupid old lady should have sit down or walked properly"

And you feel so shocked that you go to school the next day, and you can't take it anymore, so you tell a friend about it. And slowly the news spreads. Does that count as gossiping? I have no idea.

So, anyway, as I was saying, (about my devotion) I think I'm doing it all wrong. Devotions are supposed to be reflective and like full of guilt and remorse or something. It isn't supposed to be like a question, right?

I mean when I started penning down my thoughts of that verse, I found myself writing like I'm blogging/writting my diary. But the question and topic still rotates around the verse. Although it isn't as reflective as other people's devotion are.

Someone tell my how to do devotion.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Not being lazy

Trust me when I say this, guys. I'm not being lazy by not blogging. I just have loads of homework to do. And I do blog. I have been drafting loads of blog post but every time I want to post them, I just think that they're not good enough.

Upcoming ones are about my nail polish collection (I was about to post them when I bought 3 more), some of my favourite random products 'cause I'm tired of telling my friends about them and being ignored when I'm supposed to be appreciated and thanked.

And there are many post that I've finished drafting but I just couldn't bring myself to post it. Many many emo ones that I know that no one would like reading. Who likes reading sad posts? People like reading argumental posts, ranting ones etc. No one likes sad ones unless they happen to be sad that day.

I have been very down this whole month and I can't bring myself to post anything happy 'cause I'll just be faking it. I've said this many times, but I'm still gonna say it anyway. I won't ever lie on my blog. I just won't mention it, but I would never lie or fake anything.

So yeah, I didn't want to fake my happiness, so there really isn't anything for me to talk about. This whole holiday has been horrible. Really, really, horrible. I felt like the whole world just crashed down. ON ME.

I don't know why this world always choose to crush down at the wrong time. I'M STREAMING THIS YEAR FOR GOODNESS SAKE. How can everyone be so mean to me now???? Still not my worst year though.

And youth church camp? The first day I went I couldn't stand it anymore. Started crying like CRAZY 'cause I felt like daddy just totally abandoned me here and he's not coming back for me anymore. All of a sudden everything my maid told me became true. And church isn't a place where I feel comfortable.

Sure, I love God, I feel safe with God and everything, but God is one thing, company is another. And I'm not very close with the people in church. In fact, I don't like them. I feel really uneasy with them. Whenever I'm with them, I'll be so tense and I can't relax.

I texted daddy and started crying and crying. And daddy had no choice but to bring me home. While waiting for daddy, I had a long chat with Pastor Chris. Told him about my experiences with games, and how I was always humiliated by other people.

I told him I would tell him more about my childhood, (regarding my maid) but so far, there isn't a chance yet, so, well.. We'll see..

I suspect that I have depression though. And post-trauma stress disorder. Searched google for the symtoms and I have most of them. Am currently reading some self-help books. If this worsens...I guess I'll have no choice but to tell my parents.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Colored Contacts!! (Finally)

Daddy finally allowed me to buy colored contact lenses. I've been asking him if I could get them for like, 2 years? No, I'm not getting GEO/EOS or those that you can only fine online or selling at pushcarts..

When it comes to my eyes I'd rather spend more money and buy good stuff and not play with those contact lenses that are imported from God-knows-where. Yes I know that many people wear them and they're okay and everything, but that doesn't mean it's safe.

It takes a while for infections to take place especially when it comes to our eyes since it cleans itself automatically everytime we blink. Anyway, I tried my luck yesterday with dad and asked, "Daddy, can I buy Acuvue's colored contacts?? PLEASE?????"

He hesitated, that he said, "Okay."


I ended up getting Maxim ones instead of Acuvue 'cause Acuvue only has daily colored lenses (I don't know why Acuvue is so arrogant that they want to be funny with the type of lenses) and it's super expensive. So dad was like, hmmm ok I guess we could try another brand...

So here it is..

My colored contact lenses

The ones in sky blue are my colored contact lenses and the ones on the left are my normal ones. The ones that I swear daily to school.. So, I bought violet, grey and cocoa (brown). There was actually another shade of brown, Hazel, that I was thinking of getting but I figured I would go with the lighter brown (cocoa) and get a slightly 'crazy' color.

In case you're wondering, they're upside down because I like the front to be facing outwards.

Random picture of me with specs.

I thought of saying something like, "Bye to specs" when I realized that I usually wear contact lenses, except that they're not colored -.- stupid me but it's okay you can still look that that picture of me with specs :D

Oh and in case you're wondering (again) I had makeup on 'cause I was going out.

Okay so I just opened the violet one and here's how it looks like on my eyes up close:

Close up shot.

Not bad right? It's actually quite comfortable. Feels like I'm not wearing anything, haha. The curve was 8.6, same as the ciba vision one (Acuvue's one is 8.8) that I had so I was expecting it to be uncomfortable (but I was willing to sacrifice for the sake of having colored contact lenses since they all happen to be 8.6) but it was super comfortable!!! Feels just like the Acuvue one.

Can't wait to open my Grey and Brown ones!!!

Ok shall end this post with a picture of me with the contacts on.


p/s: I'm going to Ion (Orchard)'s Paradise Dynasty tomorrow with my relatives for father's day :D I'm so excited to try their Xiao Long Bao that I probably can't sleep tonight. Heheheheh

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Horrible Holiday

It's the June Holidays, and i'm very upset. Dad forced me to go for a church camp. I hate camps. I hate all those stupid games they play during camps. It's such a waste of time. I hate wasting time and I cannot emphasize that enough.

It's only the third day of this horrible holiday and how i wished it never started. Been trying to motivate myself to study but i'm guess i'm just plain lazy. I know, it's streaming year, i gotta work hard. Whatever.

It's just that i've been working so hard but results are still horrible. Been praying to God (sort of scolding and complaining though) and asking why He's not helping me, not giving me wisdom.


Sigh. I have so many things that i want to do this holidays. But time seems to be passing so quickly. Too quickly. Somebody just kill me. I'm so confused with my life that i just want to die.

And time is running out. Just 4/5 more years before i get into a university. Where do i get so much money in such a short period of time?? And right after i graduate my sister would be going in. I'll need another sum of money. And what about my parents' retirement cost?!

Retirement age in singapore is now 62 but i'm obviously not gonna let my parents work at that age. I'll make them stop when they're 55. Which is in 8 years time. When i graduate from university. Where to get money for my sister?

My parents used to tell me to marry a rich person's son and i used to ignore them. Now i think i should start doing something about it. Hey, come on, i'm not evil or anything. Besides, i'm a christian. I won't cheat someone's feelings for money!

I'm too confused with my life and i'm too scared for myself.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Change to tumblr?

I love blogger like crazy, but I was just switching my tumblr theme the other day when I realized that tumblr actually has A LOT of themes for you to choose from. And they're not like blogger where it's very standard and plain but they're actually quite nice and unique.

So, I was thinking, maybe I should change to tumblr? I mean, blogger has been with me for 5 years, and I love it, I'm familiar with editing the javascript here. But blogger is quite.. standard. It doesn't have many themes to choose from especially since I'm lazy to edit the html.

But on the other hand, on tumblr, you can't have a super long entry with pictures. That sucks. So, maybe wordpress?? I know it's good, but I heard it's just like blogger too.. Very standard, not many choices to choose from. Hmmmmm..


And if I choose tumblr, I can update super frequently. Like when I post stuff on instagram, it'll auto post to tumblr. And if I just want to post a quote, I can do that too. It's like twitter, except there's no word limit. It's so easy to access and update!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Garnier Nutrisse Cream Cashew Nut

Yep, it's time to dye my hair again! White hairs, when will you stop growing :( Decided to try Garnier Nutrisse Cream this time. This is the official how-to video:

But this video was made like, last year. And in Singapore, most Garnier's hair products don't get imported here. So well, I got the new one (claimed on the box) without the fruit seed oil concentrate.

Quite disappointed 'cause I was looking forward to squeezing it. Lol. Guess it just looked special, that's why. Anyway, this is how the box looks like:

The box

Bought it from Watsons at SGD13.90 and Cashew Nut (55) was the darkest color, excluding Soft Black, among all the others. Decided to go with the darkest brown.

I obviously didn't want soft black since my hair color is actually a mixed of black, dark brown, brown, light brown, some golden hair and some even blonde, some light yellow -.- (proudly inherited from I have no idea where) and of course, the newest not welcomed addition, white.

That's why I always have trouble trying to choose the 'perfect' hair color for me. Ok let me side track a little. I want to tell you guys how I found out that I have blonde, light yellow and golden hair.

I knew I had golden hair since I was young. My mom saw it while combing my hair when I was little. As for blonde and light yellow, well.. When I was around 10 years old, my classmate saw it and told me that I had white hair.

She decided to pluck it out 'cause I refused to believe her. So she plucked 4-5 strands of blonde and light yellow hair. Then she sort of threw it on my worksheet, which is WHITE. I looked at my 'white' hair and scolded her 'cause it wasn't white. Lol.

That's when I found out that I might be half angmoh or something. Which is impossible. Unless I'm adopted. Which is stupid.

Ok, ANYWAY, most of my hair is brown so I decided to go with dark brown since it would be easier to dye and less obvious 'cause Singaporean teachers are unreasonable. To play safe, I ALWAYS choose the darkest brown.

Things in the box.

I was looking desperate in the box for the fruit seed oil concentrate and after reading the instructions I realized that there won't be one. Sad life.


Came in 4-5 different languages. Not that I actually understand them.


I was quite happy with this! They actually improved the packaging of the conditioner but they changed it too, it's no longer a leave-on conditioner. You have to rinse it off :( there's actually 40ml of the after color conditioner which is PERFECT for people like me with thick hair.

The container is also made of good quality plastic so I washed it afterwards so that I can use it to store lotions/shampoo/conditioner for travel.


If it's too small for you to see.. It says, "SMART AND PRACTICAL to avoid damage from the product in your bathroom, use the box to insert the applicator bottle during application." Saw this on the instruction sheet and didn't understand the english. Then I looked at the box...

Ok now I understand.

You have to poke it with the back of the cap.

Squeeze it into (A)

Shake it and afterwards, cut off the tip. In the instructions, they said that you can actually twist it off with your hands but it was so hard and firm and most of all, SMALL so I just cut it off with a sissors. Apply immediately and leave it on for 25 minutes.

To help you remember..

If you're planning on using this hair dye again and you're super forgetful you can just cut this out and keep it in your wallet or something.

This is what they claimed.

Doesn't drip.
It's a liquid, but not THAT liquidy, doesn't drip at all.
Smell great.
It does smell nicer than normal hair dyes. Smells like.. fruits. It still has the hair dye smell though, but what can you say about it? Hair dyes obviously smells like hair dye. At least it's better than normal hair dyes.
Awesome conditioner
My hair is soo smooth after putting it on. It smells great too.
Really nourishing
Even after rinsing the dye away, before shampooing, it's also very smooth. It DOES nourish while coloring.
Alot of product.
I have super thick hair that is bust-length. Slightly longer, until the end of my bust. I only used 1 box and there were still leftovers but I just spread it all over my hair anyway.

Dries out my hair
After my hair dries, I realize that it's quite dry. The conditioner and hair dye does leave my hair smooth, but it's dry. Does that make sense? I think it's temporary, happens after I dye my hair all the time. Blame the dye.
Very sticky.
The dye is very sticky, and it's quite hard to spread.
Does not dye as well as Revlon.

Among the other hair dyes that I've tried (Liese, Palty, Revlon) I think this is pretty good. If I were to rank them, Palty would obviously be at the bottom. I think it'll be a tie between Garnier and Revlon, though.

Revlon dyes very well, but it dries up my hair and makes it very frizzy. The leave on conditioner doesn't really help whereas Garnier doesn't dye as well as Revlon but it really nourishes my hair and does not leave it as dry as the others.

Liese would be in between Palty and Revlon & Garnier. It's great, but the foam drips. And it's also quite messy.

I've read some reviews online that Garnier actually fades. Will update this post if it actually does.