Sunday, June 8, 2014

Blogging again

I say this all the time, but I'm really going to try this time.

I'm going to try to get back to blogging. I didn't blog for practically the entire year and I feel like I've lost a part of myself. My blog used to be where I expressed my thoughts and feelings without caring about what others think, so that I don't have to keep everything bottled up inside.

But after some time, I realized I was blogging for others and began to lose interest in blogging. Then everything went weird. I wasn't myself anymore. I became nicer and happier but honestly? I prefer being alone and emo sometimes. I really missed it when all I had to do was be myself.

A lot of things happened these two years. I became the Vice-Chairperson of my CCA (SmartsMedia Club) and that's when everything started to become different. I learnt to think before I speak, and be nicer and more sensitive to other people's feelings. At the same time I've also learnt that being a leader doesn't always mean that everyone will like you and admire you. There are people who will hate you for what you're doing and gossip about you, spread rumors about you behind your back.

Together with a bunch of friends, we were 'promoted' and became a leader in our CCA, class and other stuff etc. It's a really great experience and we had many opportunities to lead, and were constantly forced to step out of our comfort zone. And because of this, our priorities changed, and people changed.

Not that I regret being given the opportunity. I loved it. But sometimes I wonder what would happen if my friends and I were not leaders, would our friendship remain the same?

I am glad that I was not one of those people that became worser. In fact, I'm really proud that I'm a better person now. I'm being told that I'm more open and friendly to others. I also realized that I'm no longer scared to try new things and I can speak to an audience without stuttering. In fact, I can speak firmly and loudly. I'm super proud of myself for that.

Do I regret this? Nope. I love it.

I just miss being myself again. Which is why I'm going back to blogging, listening to classical music, reading books, and doing devotion.

Even though this year is an important year because I'm taking my O levels. But whatever. I need myself back, then I can excel.

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