Oops

I think I am like the worst blogger ever. When I posted the 2nd post of the year, I promised myself that I would blog twice a week. But I haven't blogged since. It's the last week of the month and I haven't blogged.

It's my birthday tomorrow, and I'm not even excited for it. In fact, I'm dreading it. When people ask me about it, I would pretend to be happy and excited that it's my birthday. People wish me happy birthday, I would smile widely and say, "Thank you!" happily. But am I happy? No.

I don't know when this started, but I stopped liking my birthday. It sucks. Everytime it's someone else's birthday, he/she would be so excited but pretend that he/she isn't. They would be like, "Nah, it's nothing hahah." Me, the opposite.

I don't know why. Maybe it's because of all the not so good news that I've been told these few days? I don't really remember smiling for real. I keep praying that God will tell me if this is true, that maybe all of this is just a stupid joke. But it's not.

Sometimes I think I think too much for the family. But it's not really my fault I guess. My friends always say that I think too much, I worry too much. The thing is, I'm not like other people. I didn't grow up in a rich family.

Throughout my entire life, I'm being told to think before I spend, to save at least 20% of my income, to always have some money saved up for university. Sure, I get to buy things I want, but I'll always be very conscious of everything I buy.

I've also seen my parents work, the shit they have to put up with and how unhappy they are. It makes me sad to know that they are so miserable. I feel like a horrible daughter.

So, is it my fault that I'm always worry about the financial situation of my family?

I'm not trying to make up excuses. I just wish people will understand why I'm worried.