Devotion

Have decided to take a litte step forward towards God. I have just finished doing devotion for the first time after so many years. I feel quite bad actually. I don't even know if I'm doing it the right way.

How to do you do it anyway? When I read the verse, I think of what I've done and how it's related to this verse. Then I think about why I did that. And then I think about the definition of, example, gossiping. What's gossiping?

Is telling everyone something bad but true about someone gossiping? Like if this person did not do anything to help when an old lady fell down or something. And you happened to be there (but you helped) while that person just be like, "Stupid old lady should have sit down or walked properly"

And you feel so shocked that you go to school the next day, and you can't take it anymore, so you tell a friend about it. And slowly the news spreads. Does that count as gossiping? I have no idea.

So, anyway, as I was saying, (about my devotion) I think I'm doing it all wrong. Devotions are supposed to be reflective and like full of guilt and remorse or something. It isn't supposed to be like a question, right?

I mean when I started penning down my thoughts of that verse, I found myself writing like I'm blogging/writting my diary. But the question and topic still rotates around the verse. Although it isn't as reflective as other people's devotion are.

Someone tell my how to do devotion.

Not being lazy

Trust me when I say this, guys. I'm not being lazy by not blogging. I just have loads of homework to do. And I do blog. I have been drafting loads of blog post but every time I want to post them, I just think that they're not good enough.

Upcoming ones are about my nail polish collection (I was about to post them when I bought 3 more), some of my favourite random products 'cause I'm tired of telling my friends about them and being ignored when I'm supposed to be appreciated and thanked.

And there are many post that I've finished drafting but I just couldn't bring myself to post it. Many many emo ones that I know that no one would like reading. Who likes reading sad posts? People like reading argumental posts, ranting ones etc. No one likes sad ones unless they happen to be sad that day.

I have been very down this whole month and I can't bring myself to post anything happy 'cause I'll just be faking it. I've said this many times, but I'm still gonna say it anyway. I won't ever lie on my blog. I just won't mention it, but I would never lie or fake anything.

So yeah, I didn't want to fake my happiness, so there really isn't anything for me to talk about. This whole holiday has been horrible. Really, really, horrible. I felt like the whole world just crashed down. ON ME.

I don't know why this world always choose to crush down at the wrong time. I'M STREAMING THIS YEAR FOR GOODNESS SAKE. How can everyone be so mean to me now???? Still not my worst year though.

And youth church camp? The first day I went I couldn't stand it anymore. Started crying like CRAZY 'cause I felt like daddy just totally abandoned me here and he's not coming back for me anymore. All of a sudden everything my maid told me became true. And church isn't a place where I feel comfortable.

Sure, I love God, I feel safe with God and everything, but God is one thing, company is another. And I'm not very close with the people in church. In fact, I don't like them. I feel really uneasy with them. Whenever I'm with them, I'll be so tense and I can't relax.

I texted daddy and started crying and crying. And daddy had no choice but to bring me home. While waiting for daddy, I had a long chat with Pastor Chris. Told him about my experiences with games, and how I was always humiliated by other people.

I told him I would tell him more about my childhood, (regarding my maid) but so far, there isn't a chance yet, so, well.. We'll see..

I suspect that I have depression though. And post-trauma stress disorder. Searched google for the symtoms and I have most of them. Am currently reading some self-help books. If this worsens...I guess I'll have no choice but to tell my parents.

Colored Contacts!! (Finally)

Daddy finally allowed me to buy colored contact lenses. I've been asking him if I could get them for like, 2 years? No, I'm not getting GEO/EOS or those that you can only fine online or selling at pushcarts..

When it comes to my eyes I'd rather spend more money and buy good stuff and not play with those contact lenses that are imported from God-knows-where. Yes I know that many people wear them and they're okay and everything, but that doesn't mean it's safe.

It takes a while for infections to take place especially when it comes to our eyes since it cleans itself automatically everytime we blink. Anyway, I tried my luck yesterday with dad and asked, "Daddy, can I buy Acuvue's colored contacts?? PLEASE?????"

He hesitated, that he said, "Okay."

MY GOODNESS DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM??? I'M ACTUALLY GETTING COLORED CONTACTS LIKE FINALLY!! AND IT'S NOT THOSE FROM UNKNOWN SOURCES!! IT'S FROM THE OPTICAL SHOP!!!!!

I ended up getting Maxim ones instead of Acuvue 'cause Acuvue only has daily colored lenses (I don't know why Acuvue is so arrogant that they want to be funny with the type of lenses) and it's super expensive. So dad was like, hmmm ok I guess we could try another brand...

So here it is..

My colored contact lenses

The ones in sky blue are my colored contact lenses and the ones on the left are my normal ones. The ones that I swear daily to school.. So, I bought violet, grey and cocoa (brown). There was actually another shade of brown, Hazel, that I was thinking of getting but I figured I would go with the lighter brown (cocoa) and get a slightly 'crazy' color.

In case you're wondering, they're upside down because I like the front to be facing outwards.

Random picture of me with specs.

I thought of saying something like, "Bye to specs" when I realized that I usually wear contact lenses, except that they're not colored -.- stupid me but it's okay you can still look that that picture of me with specs :D

Oh and in case you're wondering (again) I had makeup on 'cause I was going out.

Okay so I just opened the violet one and here's how it looks like on my eyes up close:

Close up shot.

Not bad right? It's actually quite comfortable. Feels like I'm not wearing anything, haha. The curve was 8.6, same as the ciba vision one (Acuvue's one is 8.8) that I had so I was expecting it to be uncomfortable (but I was willing to sacrifice for the sake of having colored contact lenses since they all happen to be 8.6) but it was super comfortable!!! Feels just like the Acuvue one.

Can't wait to open my Grey and Brown ones!!!

Ok shall end this post with a picture of me with the contacts on.

Bye!!

p/s: I'm going to Ion (Orchard)'s Paradise Dynasty tomorrow with my relatives for father's day :D I'm so excited to try their Xiao Long Bao that I probably can't sleep tonight. Heheheheh