My nails :D

Hello people! I know i haven't been updating, and i've broken my promise to blog twice a week. (Haha i'm not even blogging once a month.) i'm not even sure how long it's been since i last blogged.

I've been so busy with my studies since i'm secondary three this year and will be taking my o levels next year. Sigh. Time is passing so quickly that i don't even have time to reflect on my life.

I have been very NOT contented and determined to change that in every aspect of my life. Church, school, family and studies.

Church: Not sure if i should stay - but i feel like it would be healthy for me to leave and join another church for a whole before coming back.

School: Well, with all the girl drama i went through last year.. I think i've had enough of the immature crap. I'm not going yo bother anymore. After all, i'm graduating next year anyway.

Family: I've been so busy with my studies that i've neglected my family. I have not been spending time with them. I want to, it's just that..now, they want to bond through sports. And anyone who knows me will know that i DETEST sports.

Studies: I think this is the one part of my life that i'm actually improving in. I have done quite well (in my opinion lah, i've improved a lot) for my CA1, but at the same time, it's only CA1. I don't really want to get my hopes up, thinking i've become smart overnight.

ANYWAY, i'm here to boast my nail painting skills! Haha just kidding, just wanted to share the pictures with you.

Thank God.

Just checked my blog stats today and realized that even though I don't blog, people still come here regularly to check for updates. Thank you so much, people. I really appreciate it.

I'm so sorry I haven't blogged a proper blog post for so long. It's just that I've been so tired with everything lately and sometimes tumblr is easier to update since all you have to do is reblog lol. For blogger, I have to sit in front of the computer (the blogger app sucks), edit the pictures (if any), wait for it to upload and spend 1-2 hours typing out my views.

It's not just blogging that I've been lazy with. Devotion, too, although I try to make it a point to have quiet time on my way home from school. Thing is, my father has been driving me home, if not, I'll be going home with my friend and I don't really want to have quiet time in front of them 'cause it's like a bit rude since I'll be on my handphone all the time.

So anyway, today's post is just me thank you guys. I've been having this message in my head recently. I feel like God is telling me to be grateful for everything that I have. I don't really bother with my blog stats anymore because I feel happy that I have that much.

I don't really want to think about money anymore because I'm going to trust God on this - He's going to guide me through as I walk my path of life. He will tell me what to do.

It's a test of faith, I know, but I'm ready for it. I don't know why, but recently I've been very holy-ish. I guess I finally remembered the day I decided to let God into my life and I'm grateful that He was there to comfort me when I felt like I had no one.

Really, thank God.


and i don't know why i have to spend so long trying to plan when i write my essay but on my blog, i'm just typing and typing and there, i easily have 500 words.

Oops

I think I am like the worst blogger ever. When I posted the 2nd post of the year, I promised myself that I would blog twice a week. But I haven't blogged since. It's the last week of the month and I haven't blogged.

It's my birthday tomorrow, and I'm not even excited for it. In fact, I'm dreading it. When people ask me about it, I would pretend to be happy and excited that it's my birthday. People wish me happy birthday, I would smile widely and say, "Thank you!" happily. But am I happy? No.

I don't know when this started, but I stopped liking my birthday. It sucks. Everytime it's someone else's birthday, he/she would be so excited but pretend that he/she isn't. They would be like, "Nah, it's nothing hahah." Me, the opposite.

I don't know why. Maybe it's because of all the not so good news that I've been told these few days? I don't really remember smiling for real. I keep praying that God will tell me if this is true, that maybe all of this is just a stupid joke. But it's not.

Sometimes I think I think too much for the family. But it's not really my fault I guess. My friends always say that I think too much, I worry too much. The thing is, I'm not like other people. I didn't grow up in a rich family.

Throughout my entire life, I'm being told to think before I spend, to save at least 20% of my income, to always have some money saved up for university. Sure, I get to buy things I want, but I'll always be very conscious of everything I buy.

I've also seen my parents work, the shit they have to put up with and how unhappy they are. It makes me sad to know that they are so miserable. I feel like a horrible daughter.

So, is it my fault that I'm always worry about the financial situation of my family?

I'm not trying to make up excuses. I just wish people will understand why I'm worried.

New Year's Resolution

Hihi!! Happy new year guys! It's sunday today and it's my home alone day so, after rushing through some of my homework, I decided to blog. So, today I'm going to share my new year's resolution with you guys.

• Be more humble
• Be more patient.
• Be more understanding.
• Be more open-minded.
• Do more devotion.
• Find my identity in Christ.
• Try not to let my parents pressure me into taking a step that I don't want to take in Christ.
• Cope with my studies better.
• Try not to argue with the teacher.
• Keep nails at a reasonable length.
• Be a better Christian.

The one that I'm going to strive really hard to fulfill is my first one, BE MORE HUMBLE. I went to church yesterday and I don't know what's wrong with me, but the message I got from the sermon is to be more humble even though the sermon is about overcoming yourself, the environment and obstacles in life.

I think maybe, it's because I finally realize that if I need to overcome, I need to be a better person by being humble? A lot of the times I find myself blaming people when things goes wrong. I don't really think about the fact that I could have reacted differently etc.

So, after the sermon I was kind of day dreaming slash reflection and I finally decided that I need to be more humble, more patient and learn to understand people.

So, anyway, last year, I made a list of resolutions too.

I can proudly say that I have fulfilled most of my resolutions. I passed my NAPFA test, I took care of my rabbit well (Timie died but it's not my fault cause he refused to eat. Tried force feeding, but still didn't work.) I got better results, I improved my IH a lot! I am also now in grade 5 for piano :D

I still didn't manage to cut Caramel's nails though :( she still doesn't want to let me cut. But she trusts me more, that I can proudly say. I didn't find a way to earn money, neither did I open my online shop (although I didn't sell several baby rabbits) since there was no need for me to, I was able to cope with my expenses since I now buy the stuff online and not eat during recess.

I argued with the teacher lesser (probably because Ms Shen is a very nice and patient teacher lol) but I will see if I improved cause this year's teacher isn't that patient anymore. I can say that I'm better in my studies now and also in my cca. (At least Mr Chua knows who I am now) And come on! I'm also being selected as a potential leader! That must mean something!

I pass up my homework on time too. Most of the time, at least. No, I should say that I didn't pass up on time a few times. THAT'S ALL!! It's a big improvement already lor.

But I didn't manage to lose weight, instead, I think I gained weight. Even though my weight is the same, but I looked fatter. Does that makes sense? I don't even know why. I didn't keep my nails at a reasonable length either though. Emily keeps complaining about them -.-

And I didn't keep my room neat and tidy at all times, haha. But I do clean up every 2 months. That's good right? Better than nothing. HAHAHAHAHA. Aiya can already lah. :D

I would say overall, 2012 has been a really good year. I lost many friends, yes, but I guess they were never my good friends in the first place so that's okay. At least now, I know that I no longer have fake friends who I regard as good friends by my side.

I have also reflected a lot more I do see myself changing. I'm really proud of myself for that. My attitude has changed a lot, I am not that loud anymore. I don't think I criticize people that much anymore, I tend to think of people's feelings more now.

I have learnt to be more sensitive, and I have also learnt to move on from my past. I have learn to step out of my comfort zone and I can feel that my self-esteem is higher/better/more (please correct my english. Yes, my english is still as horrible as ever. Whatever)

I have also started doing devotion daily (on school days) thanks to Sophie's encouragement and I feel my relationship with God improving.. I'm really grateful for that. At least I'm no longer that girl who doesn't have God by her side and wishes to go to hell.

This year, my main goal would be to even close to God and to be a better person. I really want to be like Pastor Chris. When I see him, I see God's love. I want to be like him, I want to be more patient, humble and more understanding, just like him. I want people to feel and see God's love when they see me.

Most of all, I want my old friends (probably acquaintances now) to see my drastic change, just I like I have seen it in Pastor Chris.

Anyway, Lord bless you guys. I know that lessons starts tomorrow for most of us so God bless you! Bye!